[Men’s mental health – part 2]
This is the second in the series on men’s mental health. Much of what I write about applies equally to women of course but this piece focuses on men’s mental health and well-being and recognising some of the barriers men often face when they begin to consider improving their situation.
Through these articles I am taking men’s health apart a little by outlining some early indicators that things aren’t quite right (link to first article) and in this one I am looking at some of the things you might consider to take some positive steps forward. By its nature, broad advice can sometimes appear to trivialise or generalise how you are feeling - it is never my intention to do this.
Read through these ideas, they are meant for inspiration. Pick one. See how it feels. Pick another. Go slowly and try and recognise any feelings of positivity and improvements in how you feel. Any small success is a victory.
Take care of yourself
When you don’t feel great one of the first things to happen can be increasing self-neglect. This can creep up on you in many small ways – it shows up in what you eat, when you sleep, how much you sleep and general hygiene.
I can’t recommend strongly enough that you start each day with a shower – this invigorates you in more ways than you think – it stimulates your skin, gets your circulation going, wakes you up, refreshes you and makes you feel a whole lot better. A cold shower or even a cold blast, just at the end of your main shower, has an even greater effect.
Taking the time to dress in clean clothes, shave and follow some sort of self-care routine is very powerful. It sounds such a small thing but taking a pride in your appearance sets you up for the day. It means you are ready to do other things. Sometimes when leaving the house or answering the front door might feel a huge deal, it’s made easier because you look OK. This is true for us all!
Check your eating and sleeping habits
Make time to eat properly. Depending on how well you eat at the moment, this might equate to introducing fruit and vegetables to your diet. It could mean that you need to do some planning so you always have some good, nourishing food to hand. Soups, jacket potatoes, a fresh, nutritious sandwich – whatever you feel like – but make it count. If your food is nutritious it’s providing you with energy, vitamins and fuels you through the day. Good food does make you feel better.
Work out what level of sleep benefits you best. Keep notes of the timings and work out when you feel best after a sleep. There are some really good, free sleep apps that gently wake you at the right time, when you are in the lightest part of your sleep, which is the kindest way to wake yourself. Think about the alarm you use – make it soothing and not like a road drill!
Change the scenery
It’s easy to stay where you’re most comfortable but it’s really good to change your environment during the day.
Going for a walk is an obvious way to do this but you don’t have to turn to hiking boots and a flask – just popping to the shop is something you can include in your daily routine. Getting out can bring you some perspective, provide the chance to say hello to people and it counts as exercise.
If you work from home, try working in a different room or the local library or coffee shop. Sharing work space is a growing trend. As so many of us are now more isolated working from home it’s a great idea to share space sometimes with people who also work from home.
Spending some time working from your employer’s premises is also a good habit to get into. If you are welcome, organise a day a week when you are expected so you can connect with others and share the office culture. It’s always more enjoyable than you think it might be.
Explore new places – you don’t need to go far, visit a local town that you haven’t been to before. Check them out online and see what they have to offer. Many attractions are free and give you a real sense of a place.
Be active
Being active can mean all sorts of things but any exercise is a good idea. Try walking, running, gardening, cycling, going to the gym, online classes, yoga – whatever you feel better for doing. If you are someone who is used to doing regular exercise and are finding yourself doing less and less, try and remember the motivation you had and take some small steps to building back up to your usual routine again. It’s rare to find anyone who doesn’t benefit from some form of exercise.
Buddy up - ask a friend to join you so you’re less likely to back out at the last moment. Tell them you might be tempted to back out in advance so they can encourage you.
If you have a garden, spend some time outside, whatever the weather. Tidy up, hose down, plant something, pick a few weeds – whatever it takes. You don’t have to be a gardener to get something from it. The fresh air and end results are satisfying motivators and it can be a great workout.
Minimise social media
Social media is good and bad. You can keep in touch with a variety of people on a highly superficial level but it’s not a great way to spend your free time, especially if you’re not feeling so good. Social media, as we all know, allows people to present a 2D version of their lives – and usually the absolute highlights, fully filtered with a cherry on top. It can feel like everyone around you is smashing it at the gym, eating at the best places, crazy in love and endlessly jet-setting the world’s top spots. It can feel quite tempting to unfollow people who only post in this way.
Consider what benefits you get from any social media you engage with and realign it to suit you. Remove all the sales pages, the friends who aren’t actually friends, any opiniated keyboard warriors and streamline it to suit you. If you’re feeling up to it, have a detox and switch them all off for a few days or weeks and see how you feel afterwards. Remember that social media is designed to draw you in and become addictive.
Enjoy your skills
What are you good at? Can you make things? Cook? Draw? You don’t have to be good – you just have to enjoy it! Carve out some time for yourself to focus completely on something. It’s so good to switch off and immerse yourself in a hobby that clears your head. Reading is also a great way to take your mind somewhere else. If you can’t think of anything you’d like to do, ask others what they do – take some inspiration and be prepared to consider fishing, knitting or karate!
Try to be sociable
We are tribal and are meant to spend time with others. Being on your own is absolutely fine too but there’s a balance to be had. When you are feeling low the last thing on your mind is going out and mixing with friends and family but it will help you on your journey to feeling better. Break it down, like everything we suggest, spend twenty minutes with a good friend enjoying a cup of coffee or a walk in the park. Do whatever you are able to and however you are most comfortable. But do make the time to connect with other people.
Talk, ask for help
This is the big one so I’ve saved it until (almost) last. It’s so easy to say ‘talk about it’ but of course it’s usually quite difficult. Start off small, talk to people about all sorts of things. It’s really hard to talk about feelings and to allow yourself to be vulnerable. Having a dialogue with some you trust is just the start and something you can return to and continue when you’re ready.
Professional help sounds so serious but it really isn’t. Clinical psychologists are trained to know when to speak and how to listen. We let you explore feelings, completely unjudged, in a safe environment. We can also signpost you to other support services if needed. It’s certainly something to consider.
On a final note, be kind to yourself
Eating well, taking care of yourself physically, getting enough sleep, reading a really good book or watching an inspirational film, enjoying some fresh air or the company of friends, asking for help – everything I’ve mentioned above is about being kind to yourself. Include treats and relaxation time in your week. There’s rarely one thing that provides a quick fix as mental well-being is grounded in many aspects of our lives. It’s about finding the balance that’s right for you.
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