Self-esteem is the way we measure our own value. It’s highly complicated as it’s the result of how we feel about ourselves across a number of areas – skills, social abilities, appearance, wealth, ability to communicate, how well travelled/read we are, employment status, age and many other things. Our feelings of self-worth are the result of how we perceive ourselves and how we believe others view us.
Placing a valuation on ourselves is tricky. You may feel relatively confident about your skills at work but less so about how you look. You might feel you have achieved a reasonable social status with a nice house and car but feel unable to voice your opinion or assert yourself. Your self-esteem is borne out of all of those intensely personal, critical assessments that we allow ourselves to experience.
How self-esteem plays out results in how much we like ourselves and can affect the ability to make decisions (even the smallest ones), an inability to see what we’re good at, the confidence to speak up and also to take time for ourselves – seeking happiness and self-care, often believing we’re not worth it.
There are, of course, different levels of low self-esteem and it can fluctuate over our lifetime. We can sometimes pinpoint key events that have led to periods of lower self-esteem and sometimes we have absolutely no idea. As I said, it is complicated as there are many moving parts involved in how we value ourselves.
What’s more, sometimes the most confident and (seemingly) in control people are brilliantly masking how they really feel so it’s a good idea to avoid comparisons (and those picture perfect images in social media).
Low self-esteem can be described as the thoughts you have that feel separate from your usual sensible self. You know certain facts to be true yet you are still able to over-analyse and unpick them until you no longer really believe them. Terms such as imposter syndrome apply to people who feel they are doing something they aren’t qualified for – usually in a work environment but it can affect home life too.
Here are my top 10 ways to help you through periods of low self-esteem
1. Awareness
It’s important to understand that what you feel is natural some of the time and that challenging yourself can be turned into a positive. It can help, as a starting point to feeling more optimistic, to identify the times when you are being hard on yourself or that destructive feelings of low self-esteem are setting in.
2. Trusting yourself
No one knows you better than you! Spending time getting to know your strengths and reminding yourself of them is essential. Combine this with point 3 (journaling) so that have a reference for yourself when you need it.
3. Journal
Journaling is a way of reminding yourself of progress. How you choose to write things down is very personal. Some people make bullet-point notes, others reams and reams of pages – do it your way.
Ask trusted friends and family for 3 words that describe you (tell them it’s for a work project or a quiz if you feel uncomfortable) and then write them all down. If you have a business or a job where it’s relevant, ask your colleagues or clients for testimonials – these are absolutely guaranteed to lift you. If someone says anything that is pleasing or flattering, write it down and read it whenever you need the boost.
4. Talk to others
Talking isn’t always easy but it’ll surprise you to know how many other people have similar feelings. They might relate to entirely different parts of their life than your own thoughts but it’s comforting and helpful to share experiences and ways of coping.
5. Set short-term and longer-term challenges
Accomplishing things is a fantastic way to improve your feelings of self-worth. Set yourself some goals, small easy wins as well as dreams for the future and journal your progress. And if you miss your targets sometimes, don’t worry – just try again tomorrow.
6. Avoid comparisons
We live in a society where self-criticism and comparison are commonplace. It can be hard not to see other people having a better time, owning more things, looking happier, going on more holidays. They don’t tend to post about the burnt toast, argument with their spouse, period pains and a missed mortgage payment! Skim through it all if you must but don’t live there, it’s not real.
7. Sleep, diet and exercise – of course
I know it’s annoying. I mention this vital trinity in every article. And that’s because we all know the value of a good night’s sleep, decent, nutritious food and the results of regular exercise. My point is that these things will always help, no matter what is going on. By improving on your rest, nutrient and movement levels you are creating a really solid foundation for your whole being. Learning the art of focused breathing to help calm your mind is also invaluable. Don’t underestimate the power of taking care of yourself. Taking time to get a haircut, read a book or go for a walk will only do you good.
8. Learn something new
A wonderful way to boost your self-esteem is to try something completely different. Test yourself in new ways and see if there is something that you are unexpectedly good at. It could be anything – baking, DIY, running or volunteering.
Low self-esteem isn't a mental health problem in itself. But mental health and self-esteem can be closely linked. If you feel that low self-esteem is having a long-term effect and preventing you from living life comfortably, it is time to take some action and ask for help. I am available, providing a safe place to talk whilst also working on creating some practical solutions and exercises for you to integrate into your life.
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