When you are suffering with any kind of depression or continual low mood, asking for help is probably the last thing you want to do. By its very nature depression can self-perpetuate. This means that it’s a difficult cycle to break. However, like anything that’s hard to deal with it only takes one phone call, email or conversation to make a start. Once that initial flag has been waved it marks the start of a new chapter.
Help can be found through a number of avenues:
· Your GP or health professional
· Trained psychologists (like me)
· Friends
· Partner
· Family
· Support groups
· Other new mums
Once you have made the call and voiced the words that you think you might need some help you should experience some relief at simply having shared the thoughts you are having. Make sure you are completely comfortable with the person you have enlisted to support you and don’t be afraid to add further supporters if you want to. There’s no problem with seeing your GP, having talking therapy with a psychologist, charting your progress with a friend and attending a support group. Surround yourself with as much help as you can find time for (and yes, it’s tricky with a newborn).
Here are a few tips to get you started:
Don’t be fooled!
Don’t believe what you see online – or what other ‘model mums’ are telling you. There is a tremendous pressure to present an image of perfection. Any new mum who is worth knowing will be honest and truthful – there are good days and bad days for everyone.
Limit your scrolling
The internet is a really useful place for basic information but be aware that some of it will be conflicting, some will be scaremongering and some will be simply incorrect. Don’t rely on Google for parenting advice and be mindful of its limitations. It’s great for locating equipment, finding practical advice and sharing stories but don’t believe everything you read. Unfollow any social media contacts who only present picture perfect images, it’s not real life.
The holy trinity
It’s here again – sleep, nutrition and exercise! These three are mentioned in most of my articles as they are the foundation for everything. You can raise these subjects with your chosen supporters for ideas on how to improve the quality of your rest, diet and physical movement. Don’t aim for perfection, just try to raise the bar ever so slightly each day. Making time for a piece of fruit, 15 minutes of fresh air and (absolutely any opportunity for) a nap is always going to help.
Go with the flow
I always think that newborn world is slightly out of kilter with the rest of the world! New mums have a different focus and the learning curve is steep and brutally quick. You have to be up to speed with so much in a short space of time. And even if it’s your second, third or fourth baby, you’ve never experienced this particular baby before or the changed dynamics of your family. Be kind to yourself and know that this is a unique experience for you. You don’t have to have all the answers.
Celebrate the small wins
Whenever anything positive happens, make sure you recognise it, no matter how seemingly insignificant. A longer than usual sleep, a successful feed, a pleasant exchange with a neighbour, a day without drama, an easy nappy (you know what I mean!), a smile – it could be anything. Looking to the good stuff can help create a better balance in your mind about where any real issues are.
Postnatal depression is hard. Getting past it isn’t a quick fix. However there are many ways to tackle it and things will get better. The first step is saying the shortest but most necessary and powerful sentence - that you think you might need some help. I am here if you need to talk.
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