Finding your people: why community matters

Alone we can do so little, together we can do so much [Helen Keller]

The theme for this years’ Mental Health Awareness Week was ‘community’ which really got me thinking about community, and what it means. I started with a social media post including a few key words that provided a decent starting point on answering the question ‘what is community?’: friends, groups, school, chippy, pub and so on. By its definition, community refers to groups of people who live/gather in the same place; or who have a particular characteristic in common. For me, it has an unspoken suggestion of something good and positive.

Our lives are made up of lots of layers of community, from neighbours who we chat with on a superficial level to more meaningful relationships. These might include family, work colleagues or people who we share our leisure time with. These different communities provide us with a sense of connection by having things in common. They also provide us with regular touchpoints where we can pick up where we left off, giving us a sense of time and continuity.

We seek out community in all of its forms as connection is so very important to us all. Loneliness can arise through neglecting or overlooking the importance of being part of something. Even the most introverted or self-sufficient of us will gain important and enriching benefits from having communities to call our own.

A friend who lives in a close-knit village environment has been planning a move to somewhere more isolated. Waiting for the perfect empty nest moment to leave the place she has lived in for twenty years has become a focus for her. However, recently, she noted that on a 3-minute walk to the local shop she said hello to 5 acquaintances, the lady in the shop greeted her by name and she had a proper chat with a friend on the way home. These touchpoints within the community have made her question her quest for solitude, wondering if she has overlooked the value of the very thing she is planning to move away from. Be careful what you wish for!

I really like the quote by Jean Vanier: “One of the marvellous things about community is that it enables us to welcome and help people in a way we couldn’t as individuals”. Being part of a group that does things collectively feels safe, planned and supportive. We would be less likely to paddleboard down an unknown river, without experience, without the protection that a group brings. That’s an extreme example but it applies equally to most things we seek out company for – pub quizzes, book clubs, walking and other activities.

Seeking out a community could be motivated by all sorts of things. Finding like-minded people to learn and practise yoga; getting support for a condition that you or a loved one is facing; coming together to create some kind of change; or following your favourite football club in a crowd all chanting in unison.

It’s important to recognise who and what makes up our communities, not to take some aspects for granted. But it’s also useful to consider if there are other groups of people who you’d like to spend time with on the understanding that you’d be made welcome by the group, not needing to seek out approval or acceptance from people on an individual basis (which is much more intimidating).

Activity:

Write down the different communities you are part of.

Include every regular group in your life that includes people with a characteristic in common. You might be one of thirty mums at the cricket match; a volunteer within a group of strangers who you might never have met without this particular activity that unites you all. You could include a friendship group; the regulars you see on your daily dog walk and your social media contacts, for example.

There are probably way more than you think there are.

Then think about communities that you’d like to seek out.

These could include that cycling group you’ve been considering from a distance; the readers who help out at school; the art club that meets every Tuesday…

Community is vital for our wellbeing and good mental health - which is why it was chosen as this year’s Mental Health Awareness theme. How clever of them.