Much of this advice applies to mental health whatever your age but I've included some child-specific pointers and it's worth a read to remind ourselves of the whole picture and all of the moving parts that make us who we are.
SLEEP
This is the one that makes kids roll their eyes! We know (and they know) that they need lots of sleep, particularly when it's so hard to get them up in the mornings, so setting bedtime limits is important. It's difficult to monitor sleep quality and dictate specific bedtimes, especially as they get older but maybe try to say 'no later than [insert your own appropriate time]' to give them some responsibility within your boundaries.
The Sleep Charity has a useful infographic that gives a rough guide of ideal sleep required by age, from newborn to 65+.They also say that sleep quality is better than sleep quantity.
If you're worried, ask your child's teacher if they think your child appears tired at school - it can be quite an eye-opener and also a relief!
INTERESTS & HOBBIES
An occupied child is potentially doing many things - they could be learning, moving, making, escaping, being with others, enjoying quiet time. Whatever your child is concentrating on, whether it's playing football in the park or reading an absorbing book, it's likely to be taking their mind off some of the more troublesome aspects of life and taking them to a temporarily different environment - and we all need that from time to time.
What does your child like to do? It doesn't need to be an expensive pursuit but having a hobby that belongs to them is really important. If your young person doesn't show a particular interest in anything, you could gently suggest different things until you spark something that they'd like to try. They may not make this easy for you but take a resigned shrug as all the encouragement you need!
DIET & NUTRITION
This goes without saying but can be overlooked, especially in a busy household. Again, the older your child is, the harder it is to dictate food choices. The key here is to relax a little, step away from being too firm, and provide choices. Providing a range of reasonable snacks and letting them pick what they'd like is better than taking the 'like it or lump it' approach.
Manage expectations and allow some decision-making in the food that's served. For example, if your child asks for burgers, agree and make a salad to go with it. Variety bowls are great fun - stock up a bowl with a little bit of their favourite foods: things like a scoop of rice, pieces of chicken, cubes of apple, chopped peppers, cubes of cheese, rolls of ham, cucumber sticks, carrot batons - a bowl of 'picky things' for their dinner goes down well! Smoothies are another area for adding some sneaky vitamins - making a sweet smoothie but including an unseen, untasted handful of something green is a parenting victory!
Eating well serves your child through knowing they are being cared for and also via the obvious benefits of good nutrition for healthy minds as well as bodies.
Don't forget water. Make sure they drink plenty as being hydrated is so important for just about everything.
SCHOOL
There's much more awareness of mental health issues generally and we'd hope and assume it is being well taken care of in our children's place of learning - school, college or university. It is worth finding out how mental health is supported in your own child's environment.
It's difficult as children don't always want to talk about the things that are concerning them and they don't usually seek help themselves from people they don't know very well. However, it's good to know how teachers might be being vigilant, knowing how they identify specific behaviours and what their approach is if they have any concerns.
FRIENDS
Friends are a huge part of school life and, as every parent knows, they bring their own challenges.
Talk to your child about their interactions. Try not to be too judgemental if they've had a conflict but ask questions to understand properly. And, try not to get involved beyond the level of sounding board. You could make some tentative suggestions on how they handle the conflict or worry but ultimately it's their issue to resolve. Fighting their battles or speaking out on their behalf can be excruciating for them and will definitely close down some channels of communication. Having someone on-side to listen allows them to speak, think and work things out themselves.
HOME
Mentalhealth.org cites 'being part of a family that gets along most of the time' is a wonderfully realistic and wise expectation. Home can often be noisy, busy or fractious but it's important to work together to iron out the wrinkles so that harmony reigns - at least most of the time! Even if it's not always easy, we all need a safe haven where we can be ourselves.
TIME TO RELAX
Everyone needs down-time, especially young people. Look at the shape of your child's week and check there's enough time for fun, rest and for them to do whatever they please. Leave your teen time to be in their room without checking on them every few minutes. Privacy and a level of healthy secrecy are part of growing up. Having unscheduled time to ourselves is when we all do our best thinking.
SCREEN TIME
The digital era presents a whole raft of issues and we're all familiar with the main ones: too much time spent gaming and the toxic 'perfect life' representations on social media. These are huge topics and ones we'll deal with in their own right.
However, in terms of your child's mental health, it's important to balance that sense of belonging and 'keeping up' (whether that's your skills on Minecraft or having the latest trainers) with common sense and dialogue over what they're interacting in. The 'other worldliness' of both of these screen time activities can often provide a sense of community and belonging - it's just about keeping communications open and making sure they understand that it might not all be what it seems (the same goes for adults of course as we swoon over someone's new kitchen or exotic holiday!).
LOVE
People of any age need to know they're loved. This one doesn't need much explanation but sometimes, when there might be tension or challenging behaviour, it's important that your child never doubts that they are loved and safe and that you are completely on their side.
CONTROL
Many of the issues discussed here can be smoothed over by providing boundaries and allowing choices. Having control is important to us all and it can be difficult to relinquish as your child grows up. By passing over some control you can assess how much more your child can manage at each stage. Starting out when they're small by offering a banana or a packet of raisins as a snack choice can lead them to develop their decision making to a more sophisticated and complex level as they grow up. This is vital for their mental health - knowing that they have some level of control over their lives.
In summary: Even if we can't do something about all of these important points, we can at least acknowledge them and be aware of how they might be having an effect. If wholesale changes aren't possible, try and work out what smaller differences might make a difference. Collectively, experiencing all of these challenges could be catastrophic but by ruling out or minimising some of them, you will be helping your child immeasurably.
To get further support or to chat through the options, contact me and I would be very pleased to help.
References
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